Sunday, July 29, 2007


So I've obviously gotten better at my job by this point. I know what application servers are, how to use databases and create them (sort of; I have a tendency to destroy them in the midst of creating them. Talented, aren't I?), what metadata is, how to test stuff and... stuff. Yeah, but work is beside the issue. Right now, I've been slacking off too much. I haven't learned the things I said I would learn. I feel lethargic, and I feel unaccomplished. I was going to spend time writing, but nothing is coming to me anymore. I have no drive, and I feel like I'm lacking creativity in the writing department. It's probably because I don't have time to myself, and when I do, I feel so stressed about it. About what I should spend this precious time on, and I eventually spend it doing nothing. Which isn't a bad thing; I just wish I didn't FEEL stressed. I need better control over my emotions. I lost a lot of control since I moved here, since I started to feel so distant. I'm lucky to have friends here in Toronto, but I miss my family so much. I miss my home and my friends in Montreal. I feel like I'm losing precious time with my family, like I'm wasting it here. What's the point of life when you're so damn far away from everything that gives it meaning? I miss those I love. I do ge tto see them often, but I feel like I'm missing out on much of their lives. Bah.

I should put more focus on myself too, I suppose.